Five Phrases That Make People Discount What You’re Saying

Whenever you use the word "but" as a conjunction, the first part of your sentence immediately becomes qualified by the second part. Saying "I love you, but . . ." or "That's a great idea, but . . . " calls the first phrase into question, says leadership and career coach Jennifer McKay,

"'Busy' has become a way of life for many people, and some of my clients have expressed frustration when colleagues go on about the demands on their time,"

"When someone says they will try to complete something, it leaves the requester with doubts about the person's commitment level to the task and whether the need will ultimately be met,"

And even if what you're going to say is respectful, you've introduced the concept that it isn't. "Why would I think you're about to say something to disrespect me in a conversation?" she says.

"Some people might start with, 'This might not be a good idea, maybe we've already done this, this might not work,'" she says. "So, starting the conversation with minimizing what they're going to offer."

Say it better: Simply state your idea without qualifying it. You'll be more valued for your contributions.

If you must add a conjunction and second phrase, use "and." For example, "That's a great idea, and we can look at it more closely."

If you have to qualify your statement with "respectfully" or "with all due respect," what follows isn't likely to be respectful and often won't be productive, says Toni Harrison,

When you use self-deprecating language before you put forth your ideas, you're immediately diluting others' confidence in you and giving them permission to dismiss you, says Ellie Eckhoff

If you're not convinced you can complete a task, give specifics about the challenges or concerns. That can help you get the clarity, assistance, or resources you need. When you're addressing someone else and asking them to try, ask a question instead." For example, "Do you have questions?" is better than "Try to understand."